By Dear Adesola M. Mojeed-Sanni,
As a new day emerges and I pen yet another admonition to know, know your new age is the chiasm of life, where your path crosses between childhood and adolescence. There will be more of these crossings, between adolescence and teenagehood, between teenagehood and adulthood, and eventually between adulthood and old age. Between each of these stages, there will be lessons to learn, some to carry forward, some to shed, and an understanding of the uniqueness of your own being. As you turn 11 and prepare to start a new school, you are entering one of those important crossings.
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Age 11 marks the start of early adolescence, often called the “tween” years. From now on, your body will transform rapidly. That guy called puberty will arrive. You will begin to drift into abstract reasoning, understanding the relationship between actions and consequences, and forming your own personality. During this season, there will be a great urge to make friends, and you may start feeling the need to prioritise peer groups above your immediate family. Peer pressure may push you towards developing idioglossia as a form of hiding from your parents, but you need to be wary of falling into trends that are injurious to yourself. Dear Son, remember, family above friends, home above peers.
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As you enter this new season, remember that reading is a deposit to the bank of the brain. No matter how bad things get in this era of social media denigration, a reader will always come back to make a bountiful withdrawal. Those who do not read can get on the fast lane and may even become prosperous, but a reader who does not stop reading will level up soon enough. All the years of toiling, reading and staying diligent and making mental deposits will eventually bring its eureka moment. Know it Dear Ubuntu, a reader is not a leader in the future, a reader lives in the moment with aware consciousness making positive contributions to his environment.
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When you eventually pick a hobby or hobbies, never be distracted by the euphoria of the moment. There is lasting joy in academic knowledge because it gives you the flexibility to reinvent yourself when the chips are down. Learn from my story. I came from Lagos, Nigeria, and started from the very base in England, just like many others. But at every stage, I could see the impact of my academic learning reflected in the jobs I did. Knowledge gave me options, and I want you to understand the value of having options.
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As you grow older, you will find yourself in debates that look like arguments. In those moments, never be dogmatic. Knowledge is fluid and constantly evolving. What seems absolute today may be outdated tomorrow. With technology and artificial intelligence reshaping our world daily, truth is often a moving target. So, engage, do not argue. Discussions bring enlightenment; arguments can create noise that drowns wisdom. Edward Abbey, a naturalist and author, once said, “Society is like a stew. If you don’t keep it stirred up you get a lot of scum on the top.” The same applies to our brains. They must be continuously stirred with updated knowledge to remain sharp and not become sluggish.
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As you grow, Son, I want you to learn the value of paying attention to small details, because significant discoveries can begin with seemingly insignificant observations. Develop the habit of observing carefully, asking questions and never dismissing the small details. The world is driven more by emotions than reasoning. Endeavour to always look beyond the noise, recognise the small details that give people joy, care, love but never depart from makes you, you.
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It may be hard to understand, but if you listen to reason, it will often guide you to the right path. Dear Son, always know how to read the room and know when to leave the stage. Brilliance alone will not do. Intelligence will get you places; emotional intelligence will take you farther. The world is a chessboard. You need to learn to play it wisely. Pick your character piece, a pawn or a rook, but learn to read the room and understand when you need to change pieces. Each piece has a function, a strength and a weakness. The pawn plays its part step by step, with intention. It may be small, but it can become something when it reaches the other side, teaching you the power of small beginnings.
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The rook moves boldly and straight, unhampered in its course. The bishop moves diagonally, sees the board differently and reminds you that wisdom is often not obvious. The knight teaches you to think differently, take surprising paths and overcome obstacles others cannot surmount. The Queen has the greatest range of movement. She moves with power and agility and has the broadest view, but power without wisdom can lead to defeat. The king is the most important piece. He moves slowly and carefully, planning and protecting himself, a reminder that importance does not always require haste. Choose your life wisely, know your strengths, embrace your limitations and think beyond the moment. Son, know that you may not have control over the hand you are dealt, but you can decide how to play it.
Dear Moyoade, learn it from me, your father. Countenance matters because it drives the perception of people around you. Even though you should not live your life by what people think, you should be guided by the fact that you live within the same space as others, and a tree does not make a forest. Make it a habit to have a reservoir of kind words and strive to do good acts. Spend good time looking good and, as you grow, practise and master the act of firm handshakes and walk in strides with confidence. Dear Moyoade, take heed of what I say, for as the sun sets, the days count, and every passing day is a part of life that cannot be resisted forever.
Remember, Son, every difficult ending quietly carries the promise of a new beginning. You just have to look beyond the setback and set out again. A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but bureaucracies have always preferred scenic routes. Remember, there is a reason the Boy Scout motto is “Be Prepared.” Never be caught unguarded or unfresh. Understand that things will not always go as planned. Plans will fail, betrayals will come, and help will come from the least expected places. Your preparedness will be your absorber and a spring to getting ahead.
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Even though you will need help navigating life, more often than not, you have to strive to be self-reliant. You must develop the capacity to get things done as a lone man. Like your generation says, you must learn to “cook” independently. Learn how to stand on your own feet, solve problems, take responsibility for your decisions and ask for help when you genuinely need it. Independence does not mean refusing help. It means having the capacity to function when help is not available.
Dear Adesola, I want you to understand that being broke or poor means there is no other place to go beneath you; the open option is above. A poor man is at the least rung of the economic ladder, at the beginning of the climbing process and exposed to many social ills. To change your circumstances, you must, as a necessity, persevere, remain determined and consistent as you climb your way up.
I like that you are inquisitive about how money works. As I have told you many times, no wealth is made from idle funds. Money, by its nature, is not designed to lie idle. Money must always be put to work to achieve its purpose and fluidity, which is why we call it liquidity. As you grow, learn the difference between earning money, saving money, investing money and building wealth. Do not measure wealth only by what you can buy. Learn to build something that can outlive you and serve those who come after you. Generational wealth begins with the discipline to create, preserve and pass on value.
Dear Son, know that some relationships are transactional, no matter how long they last. You give what you have and take what you want for as long as the relationship subsists. When such a relationship ends, irrespective of the circumstances, never be burdened by the ending. Count your gains, and if you unconsciously gave too much, count your losses. Remember, the definition of terms is guided by the minds of the individuals involved
Dear Muqsit, your mother has asked me to pass a few questions on to you, not as a reprimand, but as a father asking you to pause, think deeply and understand the woman who loves and cares for you. She wants you to ask yourself what you truly want to become in the future and how many children you hope to have, how you intend to manage your life while caring for the people you love, and whether there is anything she has done, or failed to do, that has made you feel unloved, misunderstood or disrespected. You must listen to your mother because she will not always have the strength, patience or opportunity to explain herself to you, yet she continues to care for you and wants to see you become a good man. Learn to take care of her, speak to her with respect, notice when she needs your support and never take her love for granted.
Let me admit that things may not always be right, but we strive as a family, in one unbreakable bold, with love and understanding amongst you and your brothers. As you work on your own growth, your mother is asking for your understanding as she continues to build a family with you. Son, when your mother speaks to you, listen with patience. Beneath her questions is a mother’s love, her worries, her sacrifices and her desire to see you grow into a responsible and compassionate man.
As you start a new life with your new school, be careful and be conscious. Above all, if anything happens, remember who to call first.
With love from your cringe father.
