My hands are trembling as I write to you. I can’t control the tears running down my cheeks. My chest is about to explode from great hate and anger. My head is terribly spinning.
I ran into that monster! I met Bode. And he touched me. He fucking touched me, diary!!
I was taking Mason to get enrolled in his new school. I’ve been indecisive about the school to take him to since we moved here and mom made a suggestion because she didn’t like the way he was playing idly around without learning anything.
On the way, I was crossing the road with Mason when his toy car which I kept warning him to keep inside his bag fell and he left my hand and bent to pick it up.
I yelled at him that we were in the middle of the road and I was about to drag him out when car tires screeched in front of us. I was paralyzed with fear as I held tightly to Mason.
The rider came down to ask if we were both okay and he tapped my arm since I was standing transfixed. I thanked him for his swift action and ran off the road with Mason.
That was when it hit. The voice was very familiar. I feared the worst as I looked up just as the person who alighted the car got into it and drove away.
I was staring at the face of the monster who marred my life. The monster who ruined my relationship with my family. The monster who made me lose my womb and my life (birth complications).
And the worst part was that he looked well-cleaned up and happy. I bet he didn’t recognise me. I was probably just one of his numerous scores.
I wanted to throw something hard through his car window to harm him. I wanted to go after him and just make sure he feels pain. Unfathomable pain! But Mason tugged at my arm and asked if we weren’t going anymore.
His voice made me feel miserable at that moment. This person I had all these ill feelings towards was still his father and someday he’ll ask and I’ll have to tell him, wouldn’t I? What if he asks to meet him? What if he decides to leave me and be with his father? What if he asks me to forgive?
I couldn’t go to the school anymore. I wasn’t and still am not in the right mental disposition.
I keep wondering, diary, is forgiveness ever possible? For goodness sake, he ruined me! I need to let off some steam. Mason is sensing something off already.
Read Episode 11 of Sharon’s Diary here.