By Elsie Udoh
When my distant uncle died, I felt nothing at all. I could not understand why my mother kept wailing and crying all over the place, besides he was not so close to the family. However, I experienced a whole new level of pain when Miriam, my best friend, died in a car crash.
I felt like a hole had been dug deep in my heart and no matter how I tried, I couldn’t fill it up. I could not contain the anger, nothingness and sadness I felt. I finally experienced what people refer to as grief.
Grief is the aftermath of death. When a person dies, he retires to a state of calm where he can feel nothing at all. But those whom he leaves behind, are thrown into a state of unrest. They are plunged with intense sadness, despair, confusion and even anger.
Sometimes they are not able to think about anything else other than the person who died and this might make them begin to lose sleep or skip meals. They might even fall into a long-term physical or mental illness. That is how bad grief, the response to the loss of a loved one, can be.
In times of grief, most people try to act strong for the people around them. However, the best way to grieve is to grieve. I learnt that the hard way.
I tried to bottle up my feelings after Miriam died. I smiled and acted like I was fine but after a month, I suffered an intense mental breakdown and anorexia.
So, when you lose a loved one in death, never feel like grieving is a sign of weakness; rather, express your emotions totally and after that, learn acceptance. (Learn more about how to cope with grief here.)
I hope you find comfort wherever you are hurt.
